Chapter 1: Atonement
(by endoh, added on 2005-08-10 20:04:47 AEST) [Discussion Topic]
Blood. It was everywhere. It covered the castle walls, the ceiling, the pictures, and the statues. It pooled around his feet as if it were his own. He could even taste it in the air and the scent of it overwhelmed his senses. The bodies of innocent men and women were staring up at him, lifelessly. The sight of the massacre was enough to make a child like himself sick to his stomach.
But this was his mission. And he would not fail his master.
He heard footsteps behind him and he turned sharply, his dagger raised high above his head. It was his counter-part, drenched in innocent blood. He had been doing the ‘dirty work.’ The boy lowered his dagger and placed it back in its sheath.
“Have you found her yet? The princess?” his counter-part asked in his usual monotone voice, wiping the blood off his own dagger with the bottom of his shirt.
“No,” the boy replied timidly, his chestnut hair hiding his eyes.
His counter-part glared angrily, fingering the bandage wrapped around his head, covering his left eye. They both looked exactly the same. The only difference was the boy’s bandage. Instead of the left, it covered his right eye and he never knew why this was so. “Well try hurrying it up, damn it!” His counter-part growled, “Master gave you the direct order to finish her off. Get it over with before Master takes it out on both of us!”
The boy only nodded, too ashamed of his own weakness to reply.
A soft moan startled the boy and he jumped back in surprise. A wounded soldier was slowly trying to crawl away. “Like hell you will!” The boy’s counter-part grinned, stepping forward, blocking the soldiers’ pathway to freedom. He pressed his bloodstained dagger to the mans’ throat. The other boy turned his head, unable to watch the horrid scene.
“P-please don’t -!” His pleas of mercy were silenced as the boy slashed through him, and his body crumbled to the ground in eternal rest.
“I’ll be waiting outside the castle gates, in case more soldiers show up,” His counter-part announced, wiping the blood off his dagger with his shirt once again. He turned on his heel and dashed down the hallway, blood splashing under his feet like puddles of water. “Just get it done already!”
The boy, now alone again, turned back to the soldier, and he felt bile rise up into his throat. After everything he had witnessed, it was this that finally had him running into the corner, and he vomited. He emptied out what little was left in his stomach and wiped his mouth in disgust.
“A-Are . . . Are you alright?” A small voice reluctantly called out.
He turned around only to be greeted by a small girl. She was wearing a long white dress that touched the floor, the hem of the fabric drenched in blood. Her long blond hair cascaded down her back in curls, stopping at her waist. The country’s emblem was sewn onto her sleeves.
So this must be the princess, the boy concluded, and he felt sick to his stomach again. “I . . . I’m fine,” he managed to whisper.
The princess took a small step forward, trying to avoid the blood as much as possible. How does all this not affect her? He thought to himself. Maybe she’s seen a few of these, her father leading wars and all.
“They made me wait in the secret chamber, so I would be safe from the bad men,” she said softly, and his chest constricted painfully. Could he really harm, let alone kill, someone so innocent? “I waited for a long time, until the shouting stopped. I thought it was safe to come out.”
It isn’t safe, he thought to himself. You should have stayed hidden.
“I’m Mitsuki,” she introduced herself. “What’s your name?”
His eyes clouded over. “I don’t have a name,” he answered honestly.
“Everyone should have a name,” she said simply, and the boy had the sudden urge to cry. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t hurt this girl.
He nearly jumped when Mitsuki hesitantly placed a hand over the side of his face. “Did they hurt your eye?” She asked.
He didn’t reply and he tried to avoid her curious gaze.
Then, she smiled at him, “I’m glad you’re okay, though. We should go find a grown up. I’m sure they will help us.” She held out her hand and he stared at it in shock. How can this girl be so trusting? He was sent here to kill her and she wanted him to hold her hand like they were long-lost friends.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. She stood up on the tips of her toes and placed a soft kiss on the bandage over his eye. “It’s over now. I know all this is scary, but you have to be strong.” She glanced sadly at the deceased soldier, “They died protecting us, and we should be grateful for that.” She grabbed his hand without hesitation and started pulling him down the hallway.
What should I do? He asked himself desperately.
“What you need to!” Boomed a voice in his head. “You need to kill her, puppet!”
The boy yelped in pain and fell onto his knees, clutching his head. He recognized the voice.
Master?
“That’s right, puppet! If you think you can disobey my orders, you are in for a big disappointment!”
I can’t hurt her, Master. She did nothing wrong.
“She’s in the way! She must be disposed of!”
Please, Master! Please reconsider! How can you do something like this?
“Don’t question my orders or methods, boy! You have avoided bloodshed so far, but I have my limits. You will kill the girl, or I will get the other one to kill you both. Your time is running short. Make a choice!”
The voice stopped and the boy let out a breath of air he had no idea he was holding in.
“Are you okay?” Mitsuki asked, her small hand on his shoulder.
Suddenly he felt detached, as if his mind and body were two seperate beings, and he heard himself growl, “Don’t touch me!”
What am I doing? He asked himself.
The girl removed her hand off of his shoulder quickly, as if it burned her. “I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “I was just worried. You looked like you were in a lot of pain.”
“Worry about yourself, girl,” He snapped. He stood up, reaching for his dagger.
Stop! Don’t!
Mitsuki stepped back, her crystal blue eyes reflecting nothing but terror. “You’re the bad man, aren’t you?”
The boy laughed madly, “Took you long enough to figure it out!” He raised the dagger above his head, stepping towards her slowly, backing her into the corner.
Why can’t I stop myself?
She backed up as far as she could until the cold, harsh, reality pressed behind her. The once reserved, mature young girl started going into hysterics. “Please, sir! Don’t hurt me!” She screamed, “Somebody, help!”
Yes! Someone, help her! He pushed, struggled, tried to take back control, but it was all useless.
Oh god. I can’t!
Kill Her.
He lost the inner-battle.
“ . . . F-Forgive me!” He screamed, and he brought the dagger down on her.
Her screams will haunt him for eternity.
“Syaoran! Syaoran! Wake up!”
Syaoran bolted up from his bed, cold sweat covered his body and he let out a short scream. He took in short ragged breaths as he tried to compose himself.
It was just a dream. It was just a dream. He tried to convince himself. But the more he had that exact dream, the more he knew it was a lie. All those memories he had tried to suppress had resurfaced. I killed her. I’m a murderer!
“Syaoran! Are you okay?”
Syaoran snapped out of his thoughts and gazed at the young girl sitting at his side.
“I’m fine, Sakura. It was just a nightmare,” he assured her.
Sakura placed her hands on his shoulders and placed a light kiss over his right eyelid. “It’s okay. It’s over now.”
"It's not okay," Syaoran mumbled. "It's never over."
He pulled away the covers and swing his legs over the edge of the small hotel bed. He pushed himself up and began to pace around the room. His thoughts were jumbled.
Mitsuki had done the exact same thing. They’re both very much alike, Sakura and Mitsuki. They are so innocent, trusting and caring.
But would I lose control again? Would I hurt Sakura?
“Syaoran? What’s wrong?”
No! I won’t let that happen!
“EVERYTHING!” He snapped, slamming his fist against the wall, leaving a small dent. “God damn! Everything is going so wrong! It wasn’t supposed to be like this!”
“Syaoran!” Sakura exclaimed, an edge of fear in her voice. “Please, stop!”
He ignored her pleas, “No! I won’t let that happen again!” His voice began to soften, and he felt himself choke back tears. “I’ve already lost you once, I refuse to lose you again!”
Syaoran finally broke down and he pulled Sakura into a tight embrace. The tears he had held back for so long finally spilled over. He was shaking, rocking back and forth, sobbing into her shoulder.
“Syaoran?” None of what he said had made sense to her. When did he first lose her? Why would he lose her again? Where did this outburst come from? She did the only thing she could think of at that time; she returned the embrace, pulling him closer to her. The least she could do was comfort him.
They stood like that for a while until Syaoran finally managed to calm himself. Although the tears had stopped, he still wouldn’t let his princess go. “I’m sorry about that,” he whispered in her ear, burying his head in her short auburn locks. “Hope I didn’t scare you.”
She tightened her hold around his waist, “Just a little. But it’s okay. We all have our moments when we need to scream.”
Syaoran pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against hers, “I promise,” he whispered, “to keep you safe. No matter what.”
Sakura smiled softly, “You always have.”
I know I will never do enough to atone for my sins.
But I will beg for your forgiveness every day, Princess Mitsuki.
Please forgive me, and keep this Princess safe.
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