Chapter 1: The Fall
(by endoh, added on 2005-07-12 15:15:29 AEST) [Discussion Topic]
The longest day of my life started with the shrill ring of the telephone. I turned over in my bed, reaching towards the phone on my bedside table and lifted the device off its cradle, “Hello?” I slurred, half asleep.
“Syaoran-kun!” a panicked voice answered, “It’s Tomoyo. Have you spoken to Sakura? Is she there with you? Oh please, tell me she’s there!”
“ . . . No,” I slowly replied, confused. I glanced at the clock; it was five in the morning. “Why would she be here so early? What happened, Tomoyo?”
“We were arguing all night, about Uncle Fujitaka and Toya. I said some things I shouldn’t have said and she ran off. I’ve been waiting for her to come back, but it’s been hours! I’m so worried!”
I sighed, sitting up and swinging my legs over the bed and letting them dangle off the edge. “She’s been through a lot, Tomoyo. She probably needs some time to herself. Give her some space.”
“Giving her space wouldn’t be the best idea right now, Syaoran.”
“What are you talking about?” Panic started to rise in my chest.
“When she left, while probably not thinking, she threw her journal at me. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was worried, so I read it. Syaoran, Sakura blames herself for their deaths. She says here, ‘I sat in the closet like a coward while my father and brother were murdered in front of me. I know I won’t ever be forgiven unless I follow them.’”
My whole body went numb. “You don’t think she’s . . .” I couldn’t even finish as I gripped my messy hair in frustration. Sakura could never think of doing such a thing to herself.
“I’m afraid so, Syaoran-kun. She’s been through such trauma, she’s not thinking straight! I have people looking for her but I know how she feels about you; maybe she’ll listen –“ I had long stopped listening and was already heading out my apartment door.
I knew exactly where to look.
When we were about fourteen, a girl put up embarrassing photos of Sakura all over the school hallways and Sakura ran off, upset. She was gone for over six hours and no one could find where she was. I did, though. She was sitting by the cliffs that were through the forest by the park.
“Sakura?”
The brunette peeked out from under her arms, which were propped up by the metal bars surrounding the cliffs, quickly rubbing her tears away in embarrassment. “Syaoran-kun?” She sniffled.
“Everyone is pretty worried about you-“
“Have you ever been in love?” She asked suddenly.
The hell? That certainly caught me off guard. I sat down next to her as I hesitantly answered, “ . . . Yes.”
“…Are you still?” She asked in a soft whisper, swinging her legs back and forth shyly on the edge of the cliff.
“ . . . Yes,” with you, I finished in my head. I would probably never have the courage to say that out loud.
“Have you told her?”
If I had, you wouldn’t be asking me that, I thought. “No.”
“How come?”
“What’s with all the questions?”
A hesitant look appeared on her face, “No reason.”
I wasn’t going to push for a real answer.
“I come here all the time to think. Or to get away from Toya’s teasing” She said with a small smile on her face. “I am, too. In love, I mean.”
I only nodded, unsure of how to respond.
“Let’s make a promise, Syaoran!”
Wow, she was being very random. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if either of us runs off like I did, we’ll always come to be here for each other. What do ya’ say?”
“Sure.”
She turned and looked at me, and I felt my face turn bright red, as her face was a little too close for comfort. “Promise?”
I nodded, a small smile on my face, “Promise.”
As I thought, I found Sakura by those same cliffs. She was standing in front of the railing, leaning forward, her hands gripping the metal tightly. I would have been blushing if the situation were a lighter one, for she was wearing nothing but a white spaghetti-strapped nightgown that stopped right above her knees. I winced when I looked close enough and saw the self-inflicted cuts along her wrists and arms. Her long auburn hair blew behind her lightly. The sun was just rising behind mountains in front of her adding a glow to her frightfully pale, tear-streaked skin. To most of the world, it would have looked like a beautiful painting. But I looked at it as the most frightening sight I had ever seen.
She finally felt my presence beside her, turning her head to glare at me. “My dear cousin sent you, didn’t she?”
I nodded, “Yeah, she’s afraid you’ll try to hurt yourself.” I nodded my head in the direction of her cut up arms, “Looks like you already have.”
She looked back to the fast rising Sun, “And I’ll do a lot more than try. I’ll end it, Li!” She spat. It hurt to hear her revert back to my last name. “Don’t think I won’t!”
“Sakura,” I spoke, my voice shaking, “please, just get down from there. It’s not worth it.”
She scoffed, rolling her eyes; “It’s not worth the time the clean-up crew will spend at the bottom. Yeah, I’m sure they’ll make do.”
“You can’t be serious, Sakura.”
“I am, Li. Now go away. I’d prefer to do this by myself.”
I did not move.
“I’m serious, Li! Leave! I hate you, so go! Now!”
I would be lying if I said that did not sting. But I knew she was trying to hurt me so I would leave. Even if it did hurt like hell to hear those words from her, I did not budge. “I don’t care how you feel for me. But I care about you. So I’m sorry, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Then you’re in for a very disturbing show.”
I groaned in frustration. Damn, she can be really stubborn. “Why are you doing this Sakura! There’s still way too much out there for you! Your friends and family-“
“My family is dead, Li!” she screamed and turned to face the railing. “They were killed in front of me and I never did a thing about it! I shouldn’t have hid in the closet like a coward like Toya told me to. If I hadn’t maybe they’d both be here.”
“I know it’s difficult for you, Sakura.”
“Shut up! You know nothing! Because of me I’m never going to see them ever again. I’m never going to help my father with his lectures anymore. He’ll never be able to walk me down the aisle. I’ll never hear Toya play his violin anymore. And as much as I say I hated it, I’m always going to miss the way he always teased me.” She lowered her tear-filled eyes. “Toya was right. I am a Kaijuu. I am a monster!” She looked back up at me, tears now falling. “Everyone is telling me how sorry they am, how much they pity me. But everyone should hate me. I don’t deserve their sympathy; I deserve those rocks at the bottom of this cliff!”
“Sakura –“
“No! Don’t! Don’t give me your pity, I don’t want it!”
“Sakura! Your brother and your father wanted you to be safe. Even your mother, she died for you when she gave birth to you-“
“Thanks for reminding me,” She glared. “How is this helping?”
“What I’m trying to say is that your mother made a great sacrifice for you, your brother and father knew that. They would do anything to protect you, so her sacrifice would never be in vain. Would you want Toya and your father’s sacrifice to mean nothing by ending your life now? We’re only seventeen, Sakura; there is still have so much to live for.”
She remained silent, her features softening. Her grip still remained tight on the railing. “Do you think they hate me now?” she whispered, tears welling in her eyes. “My parents and Toya, I mean.”
I shook my head, walked forward and placed my hand lightly over hers. “No, they will always love you.”
She looked at me with a sad smile, her emerald eyes, spilling over with tears, boring into mine. Even in the most serious situation, I still found myself blushing when I looked into those eyes and I had to look down to keep her from seeing my red face.
“Do you?”
I looked back up at her, confused, “Do I what?”
“Do you love me, Syaoran?”
I’d be lying if I said that didn’t surprise me. “I can’t answer that until you get down from there.” Her face went blank; she glanced behind her, down at the bottom of the cliffs. Had I said something wrong? Was she going to jump? My thoughts halted when I felt her hands grip my arms, climbing up the railing.
But I never got a chance to relax. She let out a surprised yelp as her footing slipped on the railing and her grip on my arms tightened as she dangled off the cliff, almost pulling me off as well. Not letting a second go to waste, I locked my hands around her elbows, pulling her up so she could get her feet back up on the bars railing.
I didn’t give her a chance to climb all the way up as I grabbed her around the waist, hoisting her over. Gravity took its effect and we both fell onto the ground, Sakura on top of me. I let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding as I held her closer. I pressed kisses to her face in a desperate attempt to convince myself that she was there. “Oh God, I thought I’d lost you! Don’t you ever do that again, you hear me?”
“Can I get my answer now?” she murmured into my neck. I pulled away to press a feather-kiss to her forehead, “I do, and Sakura, I have for the longest time.” She smiled lightly and she shivered. The blush returned to my face as I remembered what she was wearing. I quickly took off my jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders. I took her by the hand, helping her up from the ground. “Let’s get you back to Tomoyos’ place. She was in hysterics when she phoned me.”
Sakura nodded, not bothered by the change of subject. We both started walking, the sun now up high. She gripped my hand tighter, “Thank-you, Syaoran. I’m glad you found me.”
I knew things didn’t exactly end ‘Happily Ever After’ there. But, hey, it’s a start. I know Sakura will never be completely the same again, but we’ll take it one day at a time, and we’ll get through it.
One day at a time.
The End
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