Chapter 1: Vengeance
(by kaori-chan, added on 2005-08-22 22:50:13 AEST) [Discussion Topic]
Title: Vengeance
Author: Kaori
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Date written: 25 February 2005
Inspiration: Boa – We [ Uri ] ( Taegeukgi Hwinalrimyeo OST )
Rays of golden daylight beamed down happily oppressing his mood even more. The sun wasn’t supposed to be out. It was supposed to be raining, supposed to be thundering down with large icy balls of hail… it was supposed to be flooding the entire world out of its existence.
Or at least, that’s what he thought.
The eighteen year old stood immobile, waist deep in the water, allowing the large waves to slam into his numb body. His wet bangs clung to his face and his once gloriously long chestnut hair had roughly been hacked off. Behind closed lids, dark eyes gleamed coldly.
Multiple strong waves slammed into him violently, trying to knock him over, to consume him in the muted world beneath. A wry smile twisted at the corner of his lips. At least something is going right today. All too soon, the barrage of the cold waters died down and warmed up to the noon sun. Not a single cloud was seen in the crystal blue sky where the birds were flying, blithely flapping their great wings.
A frown graced his lips and anger settled in his blood.
They weren’t supposed to be so happy. No one was allowed to be happy, not when his life was gone. Now he was only a shell. He was only living to die.
To die.
How innocent it sounded; just another phase of the cycle of life. To exist. To live. To die. The cycle that would always continue as was the way of life, but as the world was created, it had an end.
The wolf could feel it near.
Water rippled around his white form. Shreds of what was left of his Li Clan ceremonial robes floated a fair distance away from him, as did long strands of brown hair. His onyx orb rested on the blood red tassel that hung loosely around his clenched fist. His eyes snapped open and the glow that accompanied them died down quickly to solid, dark amber.
Light footsteps sounded from behind the man and stopped at the edge of the sands. Water rushed out and washed over red slippers laced with gold.
“Xiao Lang,” a gentle whisper left his cousin’s soft lips.
The young man remained unmoving, but scarlet drops of blood trailed down his knuckles.
“It’s time,” the finality in her voice, the sureness and acceptance, it made his blood boil. The bright sun made him want to scream, the blue sky made him want to rip it to shreds, the green grass made him want to burn it, but most of all, his clan made him want to kill, to murder until there was no one left.
Li Meiling was answered with silence and rage, two things that she was used to, yet at the same time, scared of. She bit her lip and slowly entered the water. When she reached him, the water was just passed her torso. She timidly reached out an arm and placed it on his shoulder.
He jerked away abruptly and held the sword threateningly at her neck, ignoring the surprised ruby eyes.
“Don’t touch me,” he grounded out fiercely. A menacingly look settled on his sharp features and his eyes darted wildly around.
There was shifting, heavy silence. Their eyes met but Meiling looked away from him, her head lowered and she was lost in her memories. She couldn’t stand to look at such cold murderous poles that had once been warm and loving. But only for her, she thought bitterly. Her eyes burned with tears.
“Get over it. She’s gone.” Bitter. She knew she sound bitter, but her old puppy love for her cousin was surfacing at the memories that flooded her mind.
Messy chestnut hair fluttered for a moment in the breeze. Dark brows narrowed. “Don’t tell me what to do,” a blank look crossed his perfect features, “You don’t know how I feel.”
She pursed her lips together and glared up at him defiantly. “You think I don’t know how it feels—?” Now she tried desperately to keep the tears at bay, but a broken sob escaped.
He sneered, “Let me rephrase; it’s your fault she’s gone. Happy?” ambers flashed to black.
“I didn’t think that they would—”
He cut her off from her loud outburst. “That’s the thing, you didn’t think.” He scowled, “Because of your idiocy, you let this happen.” He withdrew the sword back into the orb and moved away from her in disgust, “Because of you, I can’t even bear to look at myself anymore.” Lids blocked the golden orbs from view.
In his mind’s eye, Syaoran saw tears travel down his cousin’s pale cheeks, regret on her exotic features. She was drawing in breath faster than she did blink and her lips moved continuously, mouthing two words over and over again with sorrow. Why did she bother apologizing?
Why had he bothered apologizing? She was already drenched in crimson liquid, her own blood. What made it more horrifying was that he was as well. The pure life fluid of the almighty Card Mistress stained his hands. Smoke was rising to the heavens, staining the picture perfect blue with its gray gloom. The sparkling emerald of her eyes faded, glazed with layers of burning tears, tears that rolled innocently down her cooling cheeks. So why did he gather her in his arms? Why did her apologize? Why did he wait hours on end, hopelessly waiting for the forgiveness that he would never get?
Why did he even leave her?
“She was my friend too!” Meiling whispered harshly, after regaining her composure. The tears had stopped flowing, but the dried trails were still on her face. She pinned him with another glare, failing to make him back off. “I’m not the one who fucking—!”
“Don’t you DARE finish that sentence!!” he roared wrathfully and walked around her in a wide arc. “I told you specifically not to, but what do I get? A disobedient Li!” When he reached shore, he stormed off.
“Wah! You mean I’m allowed to visit?” her voice was filled with innocence, happiness.
“Hai! I asked the elders for permission. They said you can come over here whenever you want, and that you should bring your guardians,” Meiling’s voice was happy and tinted lightly with her Chinese accent.
“Arigatou Meiling-chan.” Laced with fondness, “How’s he been?”
A soft frown touched the Asian’s lips, “The same as always, but don’t worry! When he sees you, he’ll be so surprised that he’ll sweep you off your feet and shower you with his love!”
The Japanese girl laughed, “I don’t exactly picture Syao-chan doing that Meiling-chan.”
“It’s good to dream, ne Sakura-chan?”
Another bell-like laugh.
“Hai, always good to dream.”
The next day, Sakura boarded the plane to Hong Kong with her guardians safely in the Sakura Book.
Meiling fell to her knees into the water. Her body was wracked with sobs, but the water washed away her tears and her sorrow. The waters gave her peace, and for once in her life, she could let go of all the restraints.
Now the black haired, ruby eyed Li was finally free; from the guilt, from the hate, but most importantly, from the disappointment of her family.
She was free.
Finally.
He watched the sea from the shore coldly. He no longer felt anything, everything was numb. He had for a while been feeling anger, rage, because all of it was better than feeling grief, sadness, pain. He had felt nothing after all that anger subsided. Now he was numb. Numb for eternity.
Disbelief and grief spiraled through him and around him binding him with thorns of darkness and helplessness. Pain. Staring at her soaked body, watching the crimson harden on her smooth skin. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. She wasn’t supposed to—
Die…
Just like his cousin wasn’t supposed to die. He stared blankly at the rushing waves, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything, to feel anything. No, he had done too much in his life, felt too many unnecessary things in his life. Nothing in the world was going right anymore, so why should he keep defending the good of others when he had to suffer quietly?
He swiftly made his way pass the sand and to the grass, healthy green grass, emerald… just like her eyes. He suddenly felt the urge to burn everything around him to the ground. The blood flowed faster down his hands, but he schooled his expression to stay blank. In time everything would fall into place. A small smirk twisted the corner of his lips.
Walking to the central courtyard, his mind formulated a plan, one that would end the dark numb invading his mind. His hands unclenched. Blood flood freely from the crescent punctures and his hand glowed eerily with dark green power. He briefly scowled, his aura was green. So green that it was blinding him of reality, the world where he actually felt emotions, where he felt her love.
He was hurriedly scanning through the letter that he had picked up before it found itself in the hands of the elders.
Syao-chan,
I guess your busy again and can’t reply. Demo, it comforts me to know that you can read the letters I write. You know, Kero-chan was mad that you wouldn’t reply to any of the letters I sent you, but I guess you can’t because of your training ne? Hurry up and finish, it’s my seventeenth birthday soon, and I want you to be over here to celebrate it with me. Don’t push yourself to much ne? I love you.
Sakura.
Suddenly, burning hot anger flowed through his cold veins. The Elders had been keeping her letters from him. How many had she written? Once every week maybe, since she was twelve? No, maybe even every single day.
He clenched his fist, digging in his nails. Blood flowed out slowly, dropping onto the sand.
He stared at his open palm at the angry red welts glaring at him. He brushed it against his white pants, smearing the blood across the silky fabric.
Like Meiling had said, it was time.
Taking long confident strides, he went in the direction of the ceremony. They were going to be celebrating the tragic death of the Card Mistress and the sealing of the Sakura Book. A growl escaped his lips. No. He would wait. He abruptly turned to the left and headed to the conference rooms that the elders used.
He would wait, till the time was right.
He opened his eyes. Water, everywhere there was water. It whirled around him beckoning him to embrace it, to master it. It was gentle, submissive; even that was wrong for the element water. None of them would give in that easily. This was his second test, and already he suspected what they would do.
Against the wind, they had caught him off guard, and against the most gentle and weakest element, he almost lost with his life.
On cue, the water slowly twisted into a female. Her hair was long and auburn and her figure petite. None of these caught his attention as much as the green orbs did, but he steeled himself. The other girl he had fought with was small, younger, the exact version of his love when he was twelve. But now, she was grown up, like him, but something was missing.
He frowned.
Her aura wasn’t pink.
Immediately, the water was died red, screams of terror haunted his ears as he hacked her body to pieces. He wouldn’t be fooled anymore, he would become the Leader of the Clan, and then he would go to Japan. He would reunite with his love, and no one would stop him. Not the Elders, not the clan, not even the pseudo made from element water’s power would deter him from winning.
I won’t let anything stand in my way, he vowed determinedly.
Nothing would keep him away from her.
Nothing.
But he was wrong. Something did keep him away from her. Death kept him away from her and he was too proud to kill himself to be with her, too proud to allow the elders to see his weaknesses, to proud to yield to anything. His hate towards the elders caused her death. And for that, he would never forgive himself. No, he would never forgive himself, but he would seek vengeance so that maybe she would forgive him.
He watched on dully as flashbacks ran through his mind. The same memory etched deep into his mind. He was standing there in the shadows for so long, just watching the death of his love over and over again. His trance was his punishment, to always remember that she was taken away from him and that it was his fault. Everything was his fault. His father’s death was his fault. His mother’s hate was his fault, his weakness was his fault, and even his cousin’s death was his fault. Hell, everything connected to him concerned pain or death. Sakura was dead because of him, because he failed to get the cards from her, because he failed to protect her from the elders’ wrath, and because he was too blind, too blind to see what was right in front of his face.
“What is the matter Xiao Lang?” The sickening voice of the head elder was addressing him by his name. A growl echoed from deep in his throat and the gold irises flashed. Although he could keep his cool around all the elders, the repulsive man questioning him was guilty, guilty of everything, more so than he was. He wasn’t about to let the old fool go around doing as he pleased.
The bald man smirked wryly, “You’re still upset about the Card Mistress.” The fact that it wasn’t a question irked him to the point of insanity. His hand clenched around his onyx.
“Move on Xiao Lang. This clan does not need a weak leader such as you are portraying as of now,” the old man was calm, too calm, "Accept the fact that you killed her, it will do you no good running away from the truth.”
Xiao Lang was past the point of anger; he had been for a long time. Now, he was just frozen inside, he felt nothing, couldn’t feel anything that was like his little cherry blossom, all he felt was the hate that was rooted deeply in his soul, the hate that was sadistically sending images of tortured elders to his mind.
“I’m not running,” his deep baritone voice sounded eerily dead for such a young man. He smiled slowly, wickedly, letting his fangs lengthen. “I’m not running from anything.” Because the past has already caught up with me.
“She’s gone Xiao Lang, there’s nothing you can do anymore. She would have wanted you to be successful, happy.”
The twisted smile was still on his cold face. “Yes,” he whispered quietly, “She would have wanted me to be happy,” Syaoran saw a small smile beginning to stretch across the old man’s face, his long white beard moving higher, “With her by my side.” The old man was back to frowning.
“She’ll hate you if you don’t move on with your life; she’ll never forgive you—”
“DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK AS IF YOU KNOW HER!” The eyes were blazing in the shadows, blending in even more with the darkness on the wall he was leaning on.
“You don’t know anything!”
“I know enough,” the small smile returned, “She hate’s you, her ghost is filled with hatred towards you, you killed her and one day, she’ll come back to kill you, haunt you. Already her revenge is taking place, you can never forget that night, never forget what you did, never forget how good it felt to sli—”
“SHUT UP!”
It was the feeling of vertigo, spinning in darkness, stomach dropping and heart skipping as it tried to pump in such weightless space. It was painful, pulling him apart by the molecules, burning him from the inside. It was guilt. His guilt. He clutched his head in pain. He didn’t like feeling guilty, he never wanted to be vulnerable, but feeling guilty left him vulnerable to the memories that assaulted his mind. Her death was imprinted on his memory like a brand, forever fresh, forever burning. Always scarring, never fading.
One thought stayed fresh in his mind, one that repeated over and over again, driving him over the edge.
Their plan had worked. Their goddamn plan had fucking worked.
“Syao-chan?” Her voice was so sweet, so innocent, so real. Her eyes held longing, passion, and love. They were empty of fear, fear of him, of what he was, what he had become over the years. Her long golden hair gleamed in the beams that crept through the cracks of the leaves.
Even her aura was perfect, a heavenly pink that reached out to wrap him in a cocoon of love. This time around, she was perfect, from the appearance to her aura to her voice. Everything was how he imagined it would be; completely angelic.
His daydreams were instantly shattered. No, she wasn’t real, none of it was real. He had the last element to master, and no pseudo would stop him, nothing would stop him from reaching his goal. This was all a test, to see if he was weak or strong. If he were to give into the perfect clone, then he would die. He needed to prove to the elders that he wasn’t weak, that he was the best there was. That even when he loved, he could still be the strongest sorcerer in the world. This wasn’t for him, it was for her. The real Sakura that was in Japan, going to school no doubt.
He allowed a layer of ice to coat his heart.
“Syaoran-kun?” the angel sounded shaky, she was trembling, doubting something.
For a moment, he felt his heart clench, but he willed himself to be strong. The elder’s had a lot of power, they could easily fool him with a clone, as proven in the last three tests, but it didn’t make it any less painful. Having to defeat the creatures that took on the form of his love was like millions of needles pricking into his heart and then dragged around, carving designs into the organ that pumped his blood, his feelings.
“I won’t be fooled by you,” he whispered grimly, “I won’t let you win.” He lunged at her with his sword held up high.
The girl screamed and cried out, “Shield!” A light pink bubble surrounded her form, but he ignored it, having been well aware of the elders’ tricks before. These ploys would not take him off guard, he’d been training too hard for this, and he would be damned if he lost.
“Shaoran-kun! What’s wrong with you?!” the girl was panicked. For a split second, Syaoran thought about the possibility, but quickly shook it off. The elder’s were all powerful, he told himself mentally, they can do anything, even make her seem like the real thing.
He continued to attack, watching her dodge clumsily against his strong thrusts.
He would win, no matter what it took. He would win and go to Tomoeda, the small peaceful town of his childhood love.
“SYAORAN!!” his sword pierced through her chest and he ran it through till the hilt touched her bosom.
It was strange; this girl didn’t fight back like the last one. He wiped the sweat from his brow and smirked at the shaking figure. He yanked the sword out harshly, feeling her life spray over him in a bloody shower. He was used to this. But it hurt, more so than all the other times.
A glimmer caught his sharp eyes.
Tears were falling from her emerald orbs, staring at him with love and confusion. “Syao-ran-kun.”
Something in him snapped and it all clicked together. She didn’t vanish into the air like all the other elements did, no; she stayed where she was, painfully trying to stay standing. Her feet gave out and she fell on him, her hot blood soaking his robes even more.
Horror ran over his smooth features as realization sunk in, “S-Sakura-chan…”
She tried to smile, but winced instead. The pain of her chest wound was unbearable, more than usual because it was her love that had done it. Her soft pink lips parted to say something, but she choked in the air and coughed up blood. “I-I w-want sur-surprise,” she gasped out, “You.” She blinked furiously, trying to stay awake. She coughed wildly, trying to breathe in the air around her, but she couldn’t. It burned, everything burned. It was so painful that she couldn’t bear to stay awake.
“No, Sakura, please don’t—” tears leaked from his warm sorrowful eyes of golden, “—don’t leave me, damn it, don’t leave me! You hear me! STAY AWAKE! SAKURA!! WAKE UP!! NO! DAMN IT! WAKE UP!! PLEASE!!” he broke down sobbing, hugging her tightly to his chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know! I’m sorry, so, so sorry. Please, Sakura, don’t leave me!! I LOVE YOU!!”
It was too late, she couldn’t hear him anymore; she was gone, dead, free…
“I’m sorry.”
Silent tears were falling freely from his eyes now, he didn’t bother try hiding. He wasn’t going to run anymore. He knew now, emotions didn’t make him weak, crying didn’t make him weak. Sakura had taught him that a long time ago, and he’d be damned if he started caring about what other’s thought of him now. He’d lost too much. But he’d make it up to her. He’d live by her rules. He would honor her, even in death. He would do anything for her.
“Xiao Lang.” That voice again, that irritating voice that made his blood scream murder. It always found a way to destroy his happiness, always found a way to destroy his sanity.
“Go to hell.”
The black orb in his hand gleamed with power and his sword grew longer. He hadn’t spent all those years of training to be weak. He had already passed the tests that gave him the tile of the Master of the Elements and he was the leader of his clan. He was alone, he couldn’t be compromised.
He was unbeatable.
The wolf grinned maliciously.
It was time for vengeance.
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